beentoolong

greetings i haf returned after wad seems like eternity.
jus wanted 2 pen down afew tings n since its like such a rare occ dat im here sitting at mi com on a wkdae, mite s wel la.

jus made da trip down 2 town...all spruced up wif da not so impressive chrissy deco...
haha n i tink dis is like 1 of 3 times ive been 2 town on a wkdae dis yr...its bn too long...indeed...
attached out for 1 wk for some medical course so tings haf been realie cool...bein a stayout personnel for da first time feels bloody sheok...bookin out at 4 pm...bkins at 10 am...wad else can n army boi ask for la...dis is da closest 2 paradise n nsf wil ever ged..i bet im leadin n even more slaygay life den dose clerks rite now...its been such a surreal time..i feel like im on leave...on some short holidae...bud 1 tings for sure...dis is one much needed break..
cant imagine goin back 2 company line after dis...its gonna b a culture shock al over again...adjusting back 2 da hectic schedule n al da shit dat comes wif life in co line..
haha sorrie la...cant help torkin abt army...i mean...it is sorta mi life now cnsiderin da amt of time i spend inside.
da realisation of how quick dis yr has sped by has onlie hit me in recent times...where certain milestones represent memories i wil probly nvr forget..da taking of da red beret in early november n b4 dat mi 72km march...haha....its not dat big a deal admitably bud i gues its da amt of time n colossal effort n self-motivation required 2 finally achieve wad i haf in dis unit dat breeds a certain sense of pride in me...n i m so sure...dis process is makin me more mature n sensible in certain ways...realie...ive learnt much la....in terms of discoverin more abt miself...
n im proud la dat ive actualie managed 2 prove ppl n most imptly...miself wrong on so manee occasions thru da challenging times thus far...
ive learnt dat im far stronger physically n mentally den i tot i was
ive learnt the true meaning of brotherhood
ive learnt 2 appreciate da ppl hu care for me..esp mi parents la..i do c dem in a new lite now....n ive gained a new appreciation n admiration for how unconditional deir love is for me...
n mst imptly i now c da truth in da most cliche of phrases dat wn u put your mind 2 smtn..u wil achieve it...haha...i tot dat was such a load of bulcrap b4 dis....bud dis has proven me wrong la...

attitude + aptitude
nothing is imposs.
realie is a winning combi n i swear by it.

aniwaes back 2 da present...been gettin poked by evry sort of bloody needle frm evry angle....mi veins r gettin raped al over da place la....i was used 2 gettin dis shit during mi 2 mth medic course bcoz it bcame such a routine...bud da habitual feeling is gone n now its back 2 da icky feeling again...i jus hate da tot of a needle inside me la...its jus wrong man...haha..realie is....haha i haven iv-ed ( intravaneous injection ) ani1 for a long time so i was quite out of sorts wen i iv-ed mi fren todae so i screwed it up pretty bad la...da look on his face said it all...i went in wif da needle 2 slowly so i cud c his flesh ged sliced by da opening n ged stuck....n dn i sorta hadta rotate it n cut off da flesh n go in another direction...haha...it was quite sick la...n if u can picture it in ur head...goot for u..bud whenever i inject another person..trust me...i feel his pain evry single time....

it was goot being back in town tudae....checkin out borders...stealing munches here n dere...jus basically chilling...it alwaes feels goot 2 haf a change of scene frm camp la....refreshing is da perfect word....sigh...2 more daes n its over n back 2 slogging awae...haha...im sure dat at da end of dese 2 yrs il look back n sae...man...i did al dat...woohoo im goot...n il miss da times n blahblah like all guys eventually do...bud wile ur goin thru it....dere is onlie 1 tot any army personnel wud entertain n dats da ORD date...nov 6 is mine....cant wait....n 2 daes after dat its mi burfdae..how appropriate indeed....1 am....gonna catchup on a good read i jus purchased...

da best is yet 2 b
alwaes
HAHA

declaration of love

i love no other girl but Elissa Loi Shiling
no one else compares
bt if da need arises for a comparison, all other gurls r but mosquitos
no one else stands within da same light dat my eyes shed on her
through dis rlnshp, ive learnt da greater significance of da word love dat condemns mi previous misuses of da word
no other girl deserves dat word 2 b use upon den other den mi beloved gf
in my eyes, mi Elissa is da epitome of beauty
she n she alone

ponder a ponder

jus now mi thoughts were suddenly oriented towards da issue of mi studies....n its gort me quite worried....i can swear on mi life dat i completelee screwed up da a levels....n im 150% percent sure dat i wil seriouslee need 2 consider da option of gettin retained in julonk n wads more..da ultimate decision of whether i wil b given a 2nd chance dere does nort lie wif me...da other 2 options are escaping overseas wich i honestly find pathetic and retaking da As s a private candidate wich is extremely difficult due 2 da issue of army...n wads worse...im in commandos...so like bmt wil b 4 n xtra 6 mths....giving me hardly any time 2 study for wadever...i realise dat if u were a gurl...tings wud b much more straight forward for u during dis period...if u dun make it..simply retake s a prvt candidate n u haf al da time in world 2 study for it...bud army is realie a big headache in e case of guys......
its strange den wen i tink abt it now..it wud b quite sad if i was 2 gif up da chance of continuing in commandos for mi studies coz its like...i was 1 of da few chosen 2 go in....n its realie a wasted oppurtunity if i dun capitalise on it...however...wen u weigh your studies agst NS....dere is absolutely no doubt s 2 wich is more impt...your life in army wil simply last 2 yrs...bud your achievements in da academic field wil stick wif u your entire life....n in effect..determine where life takes u.....its quite a scary tot realie...2 end up wif no degree...s much s i wud like 2 agree dat a degree means nuthin blahblahblah....jus a cert...blahblahblah.....da reality of da situation is in dis screwed up country..wich i honestly consider HOME ( therefore erasing da prospect of migration ever )....a cert means evryting la...n i NOE dat...i mean....im nort gonna depend on mi father mi entire life....ive gotta step up n carve out mi life so 2 speak....mi fathers cash ezen gonna last 4eva...n like yes...cash is nort da most impt ting is life....bud hu can deny its obvious significance.......u wud b a hypocrite 2 sae it means nuthing.....
seriously mus consider mi options now n take hold of mi future...mus nort screw dis up 4 miself...hmmm...i shall drop in on koh soon....i hope he stil loves me...lalala...

sian

its damn screwed up dat i shall b bookin in tonight n bookin out on saturdae again while da tekongers wil b holidaying until deir bookins on sundae....scandalous pieces of.....
wads dere 2 sae...hmm...army's been ok...undeniably its stil such a terrible chore 2 b in NS...its been tolerable....of coz u haf your gd daes n bad daes...bud at da end of da dae...so 2 speak..dey cancel out each other...n evryting seems...well...erm...ok...
discipline in commandos is so slack...i haven dune mi bed for wks....n dat is no exaggeration..i haven washed da toilet 1nce....i du mi laundey in washing machines n den throw it in2 da dryer nxt 2 da washing machines....hahaha...we ride arn in air con buses....half-ful ones at dat....compared 2 mi father's vivid descriptions of how torturous army was in da past..i mus sae...army is quite a breeze now la....IN COMPARISON la..bud make no mistake...it is no breeze...im gettin damn sick of da blardee regimental ways dat tings r dune here...i feel like im 1 of da characters in Handmaids Tale...totalitarian rule...blahblahblah...it realie feels lidat....wen ur in ns...it feels s though u lead a double life..n sometimes u ged confused s 2 wich 1 is da staple 1...bud i wil nvr ged confused s 2 wich is reality n wich is jus a horrible dream dat wil last 4 2 plus plus yrs........
almost died on mi 18 click road march on dat lovely CNY eve morning....n wen i sae morning...i realie mean da bloody morning...s in we set of frm dat piece of shit of a camp at 3.45 fricking am...i was half asleep for da 1st 2 km s in...i was realie drifting in n out of consciousness...its incredible...i kept falling asleep s i paced wif da rest of my platoon...falling asleep woking...new experience..a very dangerous 1 i assure u...dere were numerous pts in time wen i lost mi balance due 2 mi drowsiness...dangerous realie...it was onlie wen da weight of mi field pack..motherson of a rifle n mi FBO....started 2 torment mi shoulders dat i was awoken frm mi partial slumber....n da rest of da journey...was pure...TORTURE......buds like....im quite proud of miself 4 finishing it..coz many a time i felt like quitting da bloody march wif evry passing second...coz honestleee..da pain beared by mi shoulders n feet was excruciating....al da wae....bud dats 1 ting dat ive attained here la...greater mental strength..haha....i nvr tot dat it wud b possible bud army has made me a more determined person.....instilled greater resilience in me n so on so forth....
i gues at da end of da dae...army does make u a better person...wel 2 some extent la...im stil s heck care s ever abt evrting n discipline is stil a non-existent element of mi life...bud army does reinforce your values n yala..'solidifies' u s a person...so at da end of da dae..is army worthit...
150% NO

fall in

Im sOOooooooooooooo extremely proud of miself for surviving dese 2 wks of confinement in da nort so lovely commando barracks....though da accomodations r fairly decent and we ged a sea breeze 24/7…..its da regimental lifestyle dat is realie unbearable la…falling in here n dere…marching evrywhere…no being able 2 exercise any freewill at all….n al da blardee physical training……1 word…SIAN…army is damn fishing sian…extremely….makes me relish mi skooling daes man…carefree n fun…wah….shit..cant believe I miss skool....n it sucs dat I cant contact Loi wenever I wan 2…evrting is dictated by mi blardee schedule…wich is generally packed frm dae 2 nite wif physical crap la….dammit……
I thank God however dat im in da commandos formation coz discipline here is much slacker den tekong in accordance wif da new commandos syllabus….bud da physical training here is much tougher den dat practiced in da infantry….here we run 12 rounds at a go…crayzeeeee munkeyyyyyyy………madness la….haha….ive been like sick for 4 daes of da 2 wks ive been here la…fricking fever….very persistant la dammit….bud al in al…its been survivable bud borderin on intolerable…..VERY SIAN…..
1 ting abt commandos is dat its most definitely n ego trip la in dat…dey kp reminding u how special u r…kp remindin us how commandos has no affiliations 2 da ‘girlies’ on tekong…blahblahblah…al dat commando hooha shit….of wich…I dun buy much of it…bud I ged wad dey r tryin 2 ged across…..i gues da fact dat dere r onlie 250 of us here…makes it seem pretty prestigious dat im here s part of da commandos formation…dat I dun deny….n da red beret is like…wow….i respect it la honestleee…its realie something else man…da amt of shit dat u hafta go thru 2 ged da red beret…mi sergeant tels me ppl break down n cry upon receiving it la…dats how much it means…haha….
Thank you God for giving me 2 wonderful platoon sergeants n quite lovely platoon mates …..arder den a tiny bunch of over-enthu constipated characters hu completely clash wif mi heck care da world attitude…I mean other den Elissa la.....da ppl here r rather decent…colourful characters…its al quite fascinating la….dat dae I wen home wif 2 arder guys hu live arn mi area la…both smokers…n wen dey booked out of camp...it was cigerattes first….n dey smoked awae in2 mi face la….lol…n we jus sat arn n torked abt smoking n al…n its like I wil nvr smoke la….die die also wun…I mean…I tink its retarded la…inhaling smoke….its like putting your mouth at n exhaust pipe la for gootnes sick……bud o wel..dey r decent ppl la…dey asked me nvr 2 smoke…n nvr 2 ged influenced by ppl hu smoke…haha…funee la…..nice ppl….
O wel…best of luck 2 al goin thru bmt now….though da programme is rather diff here n I understand dat u al r goin thru worst shit den me…stil…best of luck..stay strong up dere….s mi CO kps reiterating….’its all in da mind’

YAR RIGHT.

extension

haha....tudae i checked mi enlistment letter n realised dat i m supposed 2 book in on fridae...nort tml s previously expected....lol....n honestlee...im over da moon abt it...at dis moment..any extension of mi period of freedom is much appreciated....woooohooo...
lol...after dat incident wif elissa yesterdae..i realise dat girls' fathers r terribly scary....overprotective tings.......lol.........i rmb mi ex's father skolded me b4 4 takin up 2 much of her time.....terrifying realie......maternal instincts in its ful glory.....
i was happily napping jus now b4 mi goot ol sister woke me up wif her crying....dis mus b da 3rd time dis wk....o....in 3 daes...wich means 1nce evrydae....no wonder ive nort been gettin much rest arn dis place......i shall go 2 mi arder house later n nap...terrible.....ZZZZ.....need 2 clock up some serious slp tml 2 prepare 4 da shit da army is gonna throw at me......haha...1 dae extension...realie means da world 2 me....HAHAHAHAHA...RejOice.....
lol..was torkin 2 fabien juz now...he told me dat Koh is offerin relief teaching positions in jj...how motherfricking sheok is dat la seriouslee...workin s a relative equal under 1 of mi goot ol teachers over ppl arn mi age...wah....fun la shit....at dis pt in time...i wish dat commandos wil juz kick me out n transfer me 2 da april enlistment batch........i wil realie b havin d time of mi life if dat happens...academics aside la dat is....i was tinkin abt commandos n how da fish i intended 2 ged thru it n i realise....da possibility of me surviving da 1st 3 wks of commandos is 5%......i haf no willpower wadsoever....n i du buckle excessively in overpressurized situations......i was tinkin abt 10 daes survival in da jungles of Brunei n how da shit i can possibly survive someting lidat wen a 3 dae camp on Pulau shit of n Ubin can plant suicide instigations in mi head.....da onlie plus of being in commandos is da damn pay n da fact dat i wun b goin 2 Tekong........o wel...we'l c how tings go....if da army can promise me enlistment in April...i wil quit commandos rite now....-_-
stoopid shit ns...come at da wrong time.......hungry...time 2 eat......
o....1 more ting.....i juz found out in recent times dat some ppl arn me haf a horrible side dat i never expected dem 2 haf..amazing realie......disgusting even.....stealing frm others is juz plain wrong.....i dun understan how u can live wif yourself doin dat.....n chronically planned grp thefts?.....jus die la.....freeks....

wonder wad da future holds

al i can tink of now is army army army....hahaa....n no wonder...im goin in on thursdae...frick....at least i dun hafta go te tekong.....haunted shit of n island.....o wel..on 1 hand i tink army wil change me 4 da better n i feel dat its a needed disciplinarian course for undisciplined me....n yes blahblahblah....bud on da arder hand...im da kinda person hu cant take pressure.....stress...wadevar shit along dose lines...realie kils me off....dats da 1 ting in life in terrified off....P R e S s U R e.......haiyo...i realie pray dat God wil c me thru dese 2 yrs...wad nonsense..lemme rephrase...He WIL carry me thru dese 2 yrs...hai....budden if so.....y i m stil so worried..bud o wel...ive alwaes been 1 2 worry excessively abt evryting...jus dat i dun show it..haha...im nort s cool n composed s i alwaes appear 2 me yer noe...it realie is weighing heavily on mi mind...HAIYA...cant stand it....hurry up la...come n take me ns.......da wait is realie killing me.........
It'l b fascinating who i'l ged 2 meet in da army..dat...im looking forward 2 in al honesty...haha..all da ah bengs...da druggies...da faggots....da introverts...wadevar...bringit on....since ive been thru da jj exp.....ive taken n exceptional liking 4 meeting ppl frm diff woks of life....its realie enriching la wen u r able 2 c da world from al perspectives....sweeeeeet.......
haha...how i wish....i m 1 of da many goin 4 orientation tml.....so fun la jc1...no responsibilities...no commitments.....dunnit 2 du hmwk...dunnit 2 study....except 1 wk b4 promos....it was realie n entire yr of plae....365 daes.....24/7....plae plae plae.....plae plae plae....n den plae summore....i dun understan y ppl bother studying in j1 realie...i mean like....how manee yrs do u ged 2 relish s a 'carefree' youth so 2 speak.....jc is probably da last period of your life where u can truly bask in da glory of your youth and haf fun.....Uni wil b simply a shitload of studying....yea...dun understan dis studying in j1 ting....its realie wasting your fricking life awae....dere is much more 2 life den studying u noe....bud ppl....esp good ol singaporeans...r obsessed wif bein nerds...competitive nerds at dat....so...o wel...happy muggin...
haha...i rmb in j1....i wud juz sit thru skool 4 da sake of gettin thru it...sleeping thru lessons...chattin ceaselessly durin lectures....haha....esp econs lects...dose were disgustingly boring...i rmb al of us....me...kwan rong...fabien...n da bpians wil sit at da back n tork tork tork...bpians n deir fhm.......sam low n his sleeping......LOL....funny times......we realie suffered our way thru econs lects.....geog lects were ok la..miss lums ones were alweas amusing coz of al funny stuff she wud unintentionally sae...n her 'choose a partner...1 of u wil b A...1 of u wil b B' kinda ting....damn blardeee funee la......hahahahahahahaha........bud lum was goot la...i liked lum...bcoz she cares....dats wad separates a goot teacher frm a latimer....essentially teaching is abt nurturing students...how can u nurture a person if u dun gif a shit....mandy chengs lects were terrible towards da end of da yr....i recall her frequent pmsing adventures...dose were horrible man....scary...realie.........haha....n yes da squash courts...where we wud seek refuge...me fabien n farhan...hahahahaha....after like evry other lesson...squash squash squash........hahahahaha....bud realie la...jj was so damn boring...thank GOD...REALIE THANK GOD.....dere was squash...hahahaha....i bet ppl tot we were mad...da amt of time we clocked in da courts.....bud o wel...at least we were doin someting.....nort s if we didn ged promoted like da rest of dem eventually.....haha....suddenleee recalled da time fabien had shouting session wif da dm....dat freek..lee hee fock...wah..dat was da best man..i swear....lovely....dat basturd had been targettin us since da moment we stepped in2 da college...im nort saying i dun deserve it la...i noe im nort exactlee da most prim n proper person -_- ...bud realie..dat basturd is downright unreasonable...hahaha....i rmb him mistakenly assuming a teacher had skolded fabien for long hair..n da fact was fabiens hair was DAMN SHORT.....bud he demanded for his ez link al da same simply for da sake of taking it..stoopid fool...biggest mistake of his life...hahaha..fabien was in one of his screwed up moods...da tork-2-me-n-u-wil-f-ing-die kinda mood....bud da retarded old shit didn noe better....HAHAHAHAHAHA....i rmb fabien immediatelee shouted at him 'SIR...WAD HAF I DONE...CAN U PLS DONT GO ARN ACCUSING EVRY SINGLE PERSON U C OF TINGS DEY R NORT GUILTY OFF'....LOL......den it bcame a battle of saving face......i rmb dey stood dere shouting for 40 mins.....after assembly.....until da P came 2 intercede......i rmb fabien telling da old fool 2 'speak in english coz i cant understan chinese'....hahahahah.....dm was so fricking pissed n embarassed infront of al of da students..he kept stammerin like shit....he was damn fricking nervous 'disss.....dis....tisss...iss....a...er......mis...un...un.....durstood'....wich of coz translates 2 dis is a misunderstandin in normal human terms.....fabien was merciless la...dat basturd...realie shouted his head off...lol...disrespect at its peak realie.....den for some reason...da dm dragged me in....complaining 2 fabien abt mi hair....he actualie was defending himself agst fabien...its s if fabien had became da discipline master...n da old fool hadta justify his actions...realie.....damn funeee.......HAHAHAHahAHahA......den fabien said 'DIS IS MI FREN FRM ACS' wich is completeleee out of pt..LOL...'Y MUS U ALWAES PICK ON HIM.....WE R HUMANS..WE R NORT ANIMALS....U ANYHOW SHOUT AT US AL DA TIME....U TINK WE HAF NO PRIDE IZZIT.......SHOW US SOME RESPECT LA....'......i mus sae...fabien is amazing...n i rmb miss lum standing in btwn both dem infront of me....in complete shock n a state of supressed panic...hahahaha......she wanted 2 intercede bud i signalled 2 her 2 shut her damn mouth or fabien wud haf realie finished her off tugether wif da old fool.....den mr koh came down n inquired wad was happening den da old fool said 'heee....heee.....heee.....nooo....respect...mei...mei you lee.......mao'....da pauses were wen he relased his steaming anger...stutterin like shit......den mr koh...s alwaes...being da lovely person dat he is look at fabien n said 'mus call teacher -Mr Lee- ok'...den he pat mi back....tork 2 me abt some unrelated items...cracked some jokes...n woked off...LOL.........Principal of da yr...indeed...n da poor old fool...avoided us 4 da rest of da yr...quite poot ting la actualie...bud o wel..he asked for it...nvr disturb fabien wen his in a bad mood...i mean...hes horrible enuf in a goot mood...let alone a bad one.....
sometimes i ask miself...is being wealthy a worthwhile goal i haf set for miself in life....im nort sure animore....so manee other tings matter much more...its cliche la bud money realie cant buy u al da happiness u wan.......money cant buy u love...money cant buy u a close relationship wif God......im nort saying dat money is nort impt la of coz.....it is la...bud its imptance shud b put in2 proper perspective.......im alwaes thankful im quite wel 2 du so 2 speak......i m thankful u noe...i dun take mi cash for granted by any standards.....i realie dont...2 manee of u...it mae seem like i take it 4 granted....bud trust me...i m thankful......2 God for dat matter...haha....n sometimes i wish i cud put mi money 2 better use la...bud da flesh is weak....hai.......sometimes i look at ppl like bill gates n i wonder wad da f he is doing stashing al his cash......if he like donates a tiny portion of his billions....100s of dose 2 b exact...he cud alone discover da cure for cancer n aids la...dat freek......bud o wel...hu m i 2 criticise him....im nort exactlee da ambassador of da nkf.....
bud o wel...in al tings...God is good n God wil provide.......evry1 rmb dat...

whatever it is...mi best wishes 2 al la....
take care...even u latimer....